


I'm Fine

by TheSopherfly



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Post Infinity War, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Relationship, Pre-Slash, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 03:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11865489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSopherfly/pseuds/TheSopherfly
Summary: Post-Infinity-War. Tony has a panic attack and goes up to the roof. It’s cold out, and Tony’s shaking, and maybe he can’t breathe. But he’s fine. At least, that’s what he tells Bucky. Really. He’sfine.





	I'm Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Another quick fic based on a prompt. This one comes from the-modern-typewriter on tumblr. Thanks for the inspiration!

 

 

“Tony. You're gonna freeze up here.”

Bucky was right. It was cold. Probably too cold for Tony to be out without a coat.

It had helped at first, when he’d stumbled up from the stairwell, panic making his muscles seize and his heart race. The chill had woken him up. It had made him _forget_.

But it hadn't worked for long. He'd ended up sitting on the cement, his knees drawn up to his chest, his whole body shaking like a leaf. Was he shivering? Yes. That had to be it. He was fine. He was just cold.

Tony looked back over his shoulder. Bucky stood with hands in his pockets, surprisingly unintimidating for someone who had made several dozen kill shots just hours before. He wondered how Bucky had even found him on the roof. Maybe he'd seen Tony rush out in a hurry. Or maybe he'd just noticed Tony was missing. That was as fair an explanation as any - Barnes didn't like losing track of people.

_Well. You've found me, and I'm fine, so you can leave._

“Tony. You're shivering.”

“I'm fine.”

Tony wiped at his eyes - of course, whenever he had a panic attack, he ended up _crying_ \- then crossed his arms protectively over his chest.

“Okay.”

Bucky was humoring him. Or worse, pitying him. Tony stared angrily at the ground. He didn’t need pity. He needed to be left alone.

“Really. I'm fine.”

He was. He was _fine_. He just couldn't stop trembling. It was the cold, that was all.

“Alright.” Bucky sat behind him, wrapping an arm around his torso. “Just be fine sittin’ here with me for a few seconds, yeah? My legs are pretty tired.”

That was such a flimsy excuse. They were all tired. Immeasurably tired. They'd just fought the biggest battle of their lives. Of course his legs were tired, they'd been running for two days straight. Not to mention that Tony hadn't given Bucky permission to sit with him, to touch him.

Tony wanted to argue. He wanted to come back with some snarky retort about the importance of personal space, or maybe tease Barnes for wanting to be so close to him. But Tony was just barely holding all the broken pieces of himself together, and Bucky was so warm, so _solid_.

“You don't have to do this.”

“I know.”

Tony's throat burned, and he felt tears stinging his eyes. _No. Not again._

“Tony.” Tony shook his head, and Bucky’s grip tightened. “Hey. Just breathe, okay? I got you. Just breathe.”

That was so much easier said than done. He hadn’t been able to breathe for hours. He kept seeing Spiderman falling out of the sky, plummeting toward the ground. Just like Rhodey. _Hell_. Tony was never going to get that image out of his mind. He’d never be able to escape the panic. It would be clawing at him forever, destroying him from the inside out. It was so strong he could _hear_ it, thoughts that didn't belong to him running senseless circles in his mind.

_What if Vision hadn't made it in time? What if Peter had died? What if the youngest Avenger had bit the dust on your watch? You'd have no one to blame but yourself. It would be your fault. Your fault. Your fault._

“Hey.” That was Bucky’s voice in his ear again, low and grounding. “Breathe, Stark. Come on. In and out. Just follow me.”

Following. That was something Tony could do. He followed the rise and fall of Bucky's chest; four seconds in, six seconds out. Inhale, exhale. He didn’t have to think. He did as Bucky did, anchoring himself in the press of Bucky's arm, breathing in every time he felt Bucky’s chest expand.

Tony didn’t know how long it took. He didn’t count the repetitions - he only counted the seconds. Four. Six. Four. Six. Finally, his heart rate slowed. He closed his eyes, overcome with relief.

“Better?”

“Yes,” Tony said, his voice raw. “Thank you.”

Bucky didn’t let him go right away. Tony kept his eyes closed, feeling the strong, rhythmic beat of Bucky's heart against his back. He hadn't been held like this in a long time. It felt… safe. Bucky was strong. Bucky wouldn't let anything happen to him.

Tony felt Bucky loosen his grip - but instead of moving away, he pressed closer, resting his chin on Tony's shoulder.

“This about Parker?”

Tony blinked.

“How did you-”

“You didn’t have the helmet on. Saw you check out.”

Damn it. He _had_ checked out, just like Steve had in Lagos when he'd heard Bucky's name. Tony had never lost his cool in a fight like that before. It made him feel weak. Even inside the suit, he was still just human. Human and helpless.

“You caught that, huh?”

“It ain’t your fault, you know.”

Tony let out a frustrated sigh.

“I handed him all the tools he needed to go from casual neighborhood vigilante to full blown superhero. I dragged him into a fight for my own personal gain, and then let him keep the tech. Hell, I’m the reason he’s an Avenger. It _is_ my fault.”

“Tony-”

“No. Don’t you get it? If that kid gets killed in battle, it’s on me. I couldn’t - if that happened - he’s _my_ responsibility.”

“You care about him.”

Was there really a point in denying it any more? Peter had become the most important person in Tony’s life. He was the person whose calls he always took, the person he’d drop anything and everything to help in a moment of crisis. Even if the crisis had everything to do with high school and nothing to do with saving the world. He couldn’t act like Spider-Kid was just another side-project. He couldn’t pretend he didn’t care.

“Yeah.”

“And you ain’t told him.” It wasn’t a question, but he could hear what Bucky was asking.

“Not sure how well you know my track record, but when I care about people, whether or not I tell them, it comes back to bite me in the ass.”

“Some of that’s my fault.”

_Stop blaming yourself for Siberia, Barnes. It’s done._

“I don’t need another apology.”

“I ain’t apologizin’. I’m just sayin’. The way you feel about Parker? That’s how Steve feels about me. Might not see me as a surrogate son, but he feels responsible. Anythin’ that happens to me is his fault.”

As many times as they’d been through this argument, Tony had never thought of it that way. Would he have hesitated for a second if anyone had gone after Peter with the intent to harm him?

No. Whoever it was, they would’ve had to go through Tony first. No exceptions.

“I - that is a surprisingly astute parallel.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t just a pretty face.”

Tony had almost forgotten how they were sitting, Bucky behind him, pressed against him, one arm still wrapped around him - but something about ‘pretty face’ made him remember. Bucky hadn't tried to move, and Tony hadn't asked him to. Hadn't wanted him to. He didn't want to have to explain why that was. He just didn't want Bucky to go.

“Thank you for… you know. Coming up here. Making sure I didn’t freeze.”

“You’re welcome.” Bucky shifted, resting his forehead just behind Tony's temple. “D’you want me to go?”

Tony shook his head.

“No. I want you to stay.”

Bucky nodded, nuzzling Tony's ear - was that on accident or on purpose? Tony decided he didn't care. He leaned more of his weight back into Bucky's chest, and Bucky breathed in, slow and steady.

“Okay.”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Stop by my tumblr (sopherfly.tumblr.com) for fic updates.


End file.
